


Take me to... CHURCH??

by grs2099



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M, caboose is a bad liar and church has terrible timing, caught masturbating, heck how do I even tag this, looks like no one has braincells in this one, set between s5 and s6, the mature is just bc of the masturbation mentions. nothing ever happens in my fics, tucker is just there for support
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 01:15:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20826944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grs2099/pseuds/grs2099
Summary: There are no doors in blue base. Caboose says something too loud. Church sees something he shouldn't. Awkwardness follows.





	Take me to... CHURCH??

**Author's Note:**

> They're still just standing there and talking. That's what they were doing last fic. And five days from now when I post a new fic and you ask yourself what are they doing, I will write them still just standing there. and talking.

When Church entered blue base looking for Caboose, he had a reason in mind. He had to call Caboose and ask him to help move some heavy boxes. As he walked to Caboose's room, he still had that reason in mind. When he reached the room and heard his name coming from inside, the reason briefly slipped his mind, but came back quickly. But when he looked through the door-less frame, his brain just completely blanked. And how could it not, seeing the other private's... occupation.

"Caboose, what the fuck-" He tried, but was interrupted by Caboose shouting.

"Church?? What... Why are you in my room?" He was completely red. And clumsily trying to hide himself.

"What the FUCK, were you masturbating to me??" Church continued, entering the room properly instead of just standing vaguely outside.

"I. Uh. Nnooo? Why. WHy would you.. think that?" He sat up and placed his pillow on top of his erection. Hopefully the awkwardness of the situation would kill his arousal before anyone else decided to check up on them.

"I just heard you saying my name and then I come here and catch you dick in hand, what else am I supposed to think?"

"Uh. Did I... Did I really say your name, _Leonard_?"

"Don't try to pull a 'Leonard' on me, no one calls anyone by first name here."

"Kai and Tucker call each other by first name."

"Yeah, because they're fucking."

"I'm pretty sure they aren't, Leonard."

"Stop calling me Leonard... Michael."

"I had seventeen sisters before I came here, you can't intimidate me by calling me by my first name."

"WHAtever! If you weren't saying my name, why were you saying 'church' while masturbating?"

"... I was... singing?"

"Singing?"

"Yeah, you know. Songs? Singing a song?"

"And what the fuck kind of song were you singing?"

"... Take Me To Church?"

"Right. That doesn't help your case."

"It's a good song!"

"It's a gay song! GOD I can't believe you're gay." He facepalmed and turned around, pacing inside the room. Was this really happening?

"Uh. I prefer the term bisexual."

"Doesn't. Help."

"That's very biphobic of you." He said, lowering his voice with every word until his voice was just a whisper. "Can't believe I have a crush on you."

"What?" Church looked at him.

"What?"

"Did... Did you just say you have a crush on me??" Caboose burned brighter red with the question, and looked away from him.

"Yknow, I think it's time for you to leave. Why did you come here anyway?"

"Don't try to change the subject."

"I. I'm not changing anything, you're changing the subject."

"Answer my question and I'll answer yours?"

"Will you _please_ just leave?"

"Do you? You do, don't you? Is this what the fucking best friend thing is about?"

"For someone who hates gay stuff so much, you are being veeery curious."

"I'm not gonna leave until you answer the question."

"... Okay." Caboose said, giving up on making Church leave without having to answer his question, and laid back down on the bed with his back turned to Church. He was still not satisfied, and the situation might have made him a bit more aroused even, so he decided that continuing what Church interrupted would probably make him leave.

Church seemed to notice, and turned away and left quickly, giving up on getting a straight (or rather, a gay) answer from Caboose.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Church went back outside empty-handed, and was greeted by a Tucker.

"So? Where is he?"

Church stared at him blankly. He was still trying to process what the fuck he just experienced.

"... I think I just had a glimpse of hell."

"... Okay? Where's Caboose?" Church looked down and started blushing.

"He's... busy?"

"What?

"I said he's. Uh. He's busy."

"Oh?" Tucker took a moment to understand Church's embarrassment. "Ohh. Is that the glimpse of hell you saw?"

"I'm gonna need a while to purge this out of my memory."

"What? Why? Not like you've never walked in on one of us masturbating before."

"Yeah, kinda hard not to since this place has no fucking doors-"

"Bow-chicka-bow-wow"

"Stop."

"So why was it a glimpse of hell this time? Was he doing something nasty?"

"He... I think he has a crush on me??"

"Uh. Duh?? What gave it away?"

"He was... I _think_ he was moaning my name?"

"And you walked in on him right then? Wow, awkward."

"Yeah, right? And then he started to deny it with the most stupid excuses ever."

"Aaawwkwaaaarrd."

"I'm gonna go kill myself again now. Might possess a red and do some shit while I'm at it."

"Try Donut."

"Why would I try to possess the gay one when I just had a glimpse of hell because of gay shit?"

"I don't know, to try to get rid of that fucking homophobia?"

"I'm not being homophobic!!"

"Riight. Would you be this annoyed at the situation if the one moaning your name was Kai?"

"Uh I don't know. Yes? Kinda? I have no fucking clue, no one's ever had a crush on me before."

"Not even Tex?"

"Tex never really liked me, I was always the one running after her."

"Sad."

"Yeah."

"So... You're gonna give him a chance?"

"Why would I do that?"

"I don't know, it sounds like what Tex did for you, and you guys seemed relatively ok together."

"I'm. I don't..." He murmured to himself a bit, and sighed. "Fuck, you're right."

"Thanks, I usually am. Just... Make sure he's finished with his stuff before you go confess to him. And don't forget to ask him to come help with the boxes!"

**Author's Note:**

> No set plots allowed in this house, we live and die in vague endings here. See ya next sleepless night!


End file.
